When Grief, Anger and Guilt Collide — When my father dies, he leaves behind an assortment of items with which my mother cannot part. Mostly, these are objects he created: handmade vases from his glassblowing phase; ceramic bowls and mugs from his pottery period; collections of poetry from his chapbook days; a replica of the Taj Mahal…

Unvoiced envy and longings — Decades ago, when following directions meant reading a map and making a wrong turn could result in extra hours of driving, I drove six hours to visit a friend who lived two hours away. I had completely cleared the state she lived in before realizing my error; when I finally…

Acclimating to my new job, schedule, sense of purpose — After two decades as a stay-home mom, I recently started working full-time outside my home again. Well, not really outside my home. The job is remote so I’m actually home more than ever, but still — it’s a paying job and I spend most of my day on the computer…

Taking a moment to feel and see all the beating hearts under my roof — I make a bowl of popcorn and stand at the kitchen counter eating it. The house is quiet, which is unusual. For the past month, my two-bedroom apartment has been filled to maximum capacity: my eldest daughter living home for the year while attending graduate school, my son home from…

When the crises ends and “normal” life resumes — Divorce, moving, and death of a close relative are generally considered to be amongst the greatest stressors in life. I’ve experienced them all in the past few years and am here to verify that they do indeed deserve top billing. I’m grateful not to be able to complete the list…

A child’s perspective on learning to look straight ahead — I am five years old and walking with my mother. We are on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, where we live in a boxy apartment in a building so big that there are two distinct sides, each with its own lobby and set of buzzers. I live on the…

I carry the weight of the secrets kept from me — Having recently unearthed two massive, life-changing secrets that directly impacted me, I spend a great deal of time contemplating the life I lived before I knew versus the life I live now, after. For every step forward, I take a half-step back. We can never go back to exactly where…

One Small Moment at a Time — My daughter drops off a box for me late at night when she should be asleep. Inside is a Ziploc bag of kale and another Ziploc filled with delicate Concord grapes. “Eat the grapes,” she says. “I’ve had too many, I’m graped out. But you’ll love them.” I don’t have…

My one-woman study — After separating from my husband four years ago, I was certain that my nearly two decades of being a stay-home mom would prove to be my downfall. It wasn’t that I believed I had developed “mommy brain,” as some mothers self-deprecatingly put it —it was that my identity was so…