Grieving the past and future while trying to find peace in the present, midlife and after divorce — It is one thing to move out of a home you love, another thing entirely to watch a home gradually become not yours anymore. I know this because I’ve experienced both in the past year. My husband and I moved frequently in our twenty-seven years together, beginning with a tiny…

Is it fair that my ex-husband is allowed to move on in ways that I cannot? — My divorce papers have been signed and I’m mostly fine with them. The injustice of it all enraged and wounded me during the negotiations, but it’s done now and I feel free — not so much free from my ex-husband, as I already felt disconnected before the papers were signed…

How becoming human in my kids eyes altered the way they view me as a mom This past Sunday was Mother’s Day, possibly my least favorite “holiday” of the year. In concept, it’s lovely to take a day to reflect on what the important mothers in our lives mean to…

Renaming titles as we define ourselves anew — Last night I went out to dinner to celebrate my friend’s birthday. Well, not my friend exactly, more like the man I’ve been dating for a few years. …

Rethinking the notion of the midlife crisis — Which comes first, midlife or the crisis? Is it that finding oneself in midlife causes the crisis or do a series of crises make us acknowledge our midlife status? What I find most shocking about being past the fifty threshold is not my age or how much of my life…

A beginner’s guide to the essentials — We can, with great difficulty, change habits and routines. We can treat addictions, lose weight, break up with people we once could not have imagined living without. But what happens to us inside? What kind of change are we negotiating internally? The circumstances of my life have changed quite a…

The challenge and joy of writing about sex as it is, not the fantasy version — I wrote a book about sex — specifically, about my own sex life — and yet I’ve put off writing an essay about it. Though I have so much more to say, I know how difficult it is to write about sex. …

How I learned not to fix, but to listen — I love a silver lining, a glass-half-full, a light at the end of the tunnel. Is this hopeless optimism or willful ignorance? Survival mode or delusion? My daughter, now a young woman of twenty-two, comes to me with problems. Some are small: she FaceTimes me to help her lock the…

When unprocessed grief rears its head — I am two months shy of my fifth birthday when my father dies. He has been ill throughout my childhood, his kidneys failing after a childhood illness ravaged them. He has been on dialysis as he’s awaited a new kidney, but he dies before one becomes available. He is 36. …