Reflections on Identity
Being Single at Fifty Is the Greatest Gift I Never Knew I Wanted
Reframing the trauma of divorce
Here’s the dirty little secret about being divorced in mid-life: it’s fantastic. Once you endure the trauma of your marriage’s demise — and I don’t use the word trauma lightly — you have an opportunity for reinvention. I suppose it’s possible that you can reinvent yourself within your marriage; since my marriage got cut off before my fiftieth trip around the sun, I don’t want to pretend I’m the authority on it. I am, however, dabbling in being an authority on my own life, and since publishing my book about dating and sex post-marriage, I’ve heard from many divorced women who feel similarly empowered and exhilarated to be on their own.
First let me get the dirty laundry in the hamper. Not every marriage blows up as spectacularly as mine did. Some fizzle out, chugging along on little but the dregs of fuel that do immeasurable harm to one’s engine, until they finally break down once and for all. Pondering whether or not that makes the recovery more or less painful is akin to asking if it’s preferable to endure the loss of a loved one to a debilitating illness or death on impact. There are certain advantages to each, but losing something precious to you — a beloved, a marriage, a home — is…
