First of all, you hit the nail on the head with this list. As someone who divorced because of my husband's infidelity, I can attest to every one of these points (except the financial one, which wasn't relevant in our case). I know how devastating the affair was to me, but I also see how devastating it was to my husband, who has to live with the consequences of his actions forever and will be forever mending fences with his children. It was indeed a fantasy for him, and when real life made the fantasy a nightmare, it was too late. You stated all these points matter of factly and eloquently.

Second, I'm dismayed by some of the feedback you've received. Anyone who justifies cheating is lying to themselves. You want to go live a fantasy? Do it, with integrity. Leave your marriage and then sleep with whomever you want - that's the order of operations to spare your spouse and children the horror of such a discovery.