I relate to so much in this piece, but at 51 and newly divorced after a 27 year relationship, I’m struggling to decide if I fully agree. There are many men who do not want to commit, who think they’re the “get.” The common trope has always been that the woman pins down the man, that the woman gains a husband and a man loses his freedom. I was 25 when I married my college sweetheart. He was unsure about such a big commitment but he loved me and I was clear - marry me or free me to move on. We had a great life together, three kids - and then at 48 he had an affair. The feelings that he had of not wanting such a deep commitment were pushed to the side for decades but they never went away. Now that I’m divorced and also enjoying my freedom, I’m grateful for a chance to be single again. I have many friends who have been married for decades and are still happy to be so. I have divorced friends who feel liberated. I see 20/30somethings revel in the comfort of a long term relationship, and some who just aren’t ready to do more than casually date. What I wonder about after reading your piece: many men do want to cohabitate or marry, have kids etc. so it can’t be true that ALL single men are attachment avoidant. How do you account for that population, what do you think the difference is and how can it be spotted early on?