I relate to this so much and just finished a piece on writing a book during lockdown with one hour a day of childcare coverage from my ex. I don't think I had enough of a partner during all the years we were still married but I also know so much of the pressure on me was, as you say, pressure I put on myself. It's frustaring that so many mothers think as I always have - that if we aren't doing it all ourselves without help, we're not doing it the "right" way and are failing as mothers.