I so appreciate the honesty in your writing. You already know the hardest truth - that there is no perfect solution, just a very delicate balancing act and a lot of faith in the unknown. I’ve been separated from my husband almost 5 years and newly divorced; I still grieve the loss of the marriage and the stability - ie everything your mattress represents. I also celebrate my independence and the authenticity with which I live now. I often think, what if I had stayed? A part of me says I should have; another part revels in the leaving. Sometimes the choice to stay or go becomes clear, until then there’s just a lot of wondering. Thanks for sharing and good luck on your journey ❤️