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A Surprising Reaction to a Story I Wrote About My Divorce
On men who feel threatened when a woman chooses to exit her marriage
In the past nine months, I’ve published pieces on Medium about the end of my decades-long marriage and my road to recovery. It has been cathartic to write my way through my feelings of loss, but also those of liberation. Depending on the week, sometimes even the hour, I have felt decimated by my divorce or giddy and free. I have come to understand that grief is not a black-and-white, all-or-nothing endeavor. I have been comforted by the people — both men and women — who have responded to my pieces to say: this could have been my story; you go, girl; or just, I’m sorry.
Last week, I published a piece called “Should I Have Stayed in My Marriage?” I explored the depth of the loss I felt now that my marriage was officially over in the form of a 64-page legal document, and addressed how unpleasantly surprised I was to be feeling a measure of regret.
Regret is a tricky word. It conveys sadness and disappointment, a desire to go back in time. It speaks of missed chances, paths not taken; it implies the wish for correction. It is also a way of expressing disappointment that something worked out differently than our hopes and expectations. Regret is somber and wistful.
