Reflections on Identity

Judging Other Women

How the standards with which we judge ourselves and others are intertwined

Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash

I strive to be a woman who does not judge other women, who understands that each and every one of us has her own struggles and challenges; that what we see of another person at any given moment is a representation of that one moment and not a truth about her character or personality.

This is who I want to be, and then there’s the side that rears her ugly head, the one whose instinct is to judge and indict. I make assumptions about people based on where they shop or send their kids to school, what books they read or what kind of sneakers they wear. I am quick to admonish myself for this. I am a tough self-critic and I do not let myself off the hook without scrutiny.

Sometimes, though, the battle within is a true tug of war, neither allowing me to fully denounce nor blame myself. Last week, a conversation I overheard presented me with just such a conundrum.

I was seated at the outdoor tented area of a small coffee bar in Manhattan’s West Village. I was waiting for a friend, who was late. I had my laptop open and was scrolling through a discount home goods website, shopping for towel bars and toilet paper holders for the apartment I am in the process…