Reflections on Identity

Is This a Crisis or Just Midlife?

Rethinking the notion of the midlife crisis

Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash

Which comes first, midlife or the crisis? Is it that finding oneself in midlife causes the crisis or do a series of crises make us acknowledge our midlife status? What I find most shocking about being past the fifty threshold is not my age or how much of my life is behind me, but how much happens by and in midlife that causes serious re-examination of who we are and forces us to ask: what’s the point of all this anyway?

This morning, I awaken to a text from an old friend, telling me that she and her husband have separated. Together for 27 years, she writes, just like you. She and I met fifteen years ago, when we used to sit by the community pool while the kids splashed around. I remember the first time I saw her, straight hair down to her waist, a smattering of tattoos on her arms, a tiny bikini at a pool of moms in one-pieces and cover-ups. We were young and busy: serving grapes and Goldfish, breaking up fights, running for cover when the skies opened up.

An hour later, I run into a friend on the street. I ask how she is and she pauses, then says ok but with a question mark. I furrow my brows, she takes a deep breath: her husband has brain cancer and is in a wheelchair. Our kids went to the same…